Snowfall
by Zeki Young
Summary: CJDanny: The snow is falling and so are they. n.b. My first Fic.


Snowfall

It was late, she noticed the beauty of the snow falling majestically  
down past her window; in that moment she felt so completely alone.  
Somehow Christmas Eve had swung round again, and it was about time  
for her last briefing, there was no news, just the final details of  
the First family's Christmas programme and calling a full lid. For CJ  
Cregg though, the break didn't seem so inviting; Christmases since  
her father died and her brother had married were spent alone, CJ felt  
like she had been somehow left behind, alone and cold.

As she stepped down from the podium, the room melted into a friendly  
buzz, with the excitement of people getting back to loved ones to  
spend a special day away from the White House. CJ left slowly,  
stopping for a moment to look at the happy smiles that filled the  
room, she basked in the warmth of their joy until her eye caught a  
sight familiar figure alone at the back of the room. In the shadows  
he seemed as detached from the euphoria that consumed the press room  
as she was. A sea of smiles separated them, and as their eyes met, CJ  
turned sharply and walked slowly away toward her office. "Merry  
Christmas CJ!" called voices from the room, she returned the gestures  
of good will, pausing and turning briefly before carrying on,  
glancing over to the figure at the back of the room, to find that he  
was no longer there. A sudden deep sadness welled up inside her; she  
was shaken by it and went straight to her office to take refuge  
behind the locked door.

Danny sat alone in his car. Frozen snow encrusted the vehicle and the  
air was sharp. The cold from the seat seeped through his clothing,  
the spent blood in his veins bringing the chill back to his heart.  
How much longer could he do this? It was Christmas and again, he  
hadn't flown off to spend it with his family; he lied that he was  
working, his happily married siblings made him feel more alone than  
being by himself. Snow covered the glass of his Explorer, it made it  
feel colder and darker; in the cave he found himself in Danny broke  
down; wishing that he had the strength left in him to be lonely.

Carol had gone home for the night; CJ collapsed on her sofa like a  
rag doll, alone. She cried warm, bitter tears into her cold, slender  
hands. She curled up on her side, crumpling her tall frame into a  
quivering ball of misery; her shoes fell to the floor with a deep  
thud.

The tears were for loneliness and they were for Danny. In her  
dismissal of him by looking away, she had plainly rejected him again.  
Knowing that tore her up inside. CJ imagined him walking away in his  
heavy dark coat, the wind lashing round his body and tussling at his  
soft hair; his head bowed as he strode away into a snow-lined  
midnight. The thought broke her heart.

There was a knock at her door. She snapped out of her self-pity,  
sitting bolt upright and wiping the tears from her face. "Who is it?"  
she managed to ask in a composed normal CJ voice. "CJ! It's Josh!" He  
tried the door "Are ya coming out to get your Chinese, Leo said he'll  
eat your chicken if you're not quick!" She stiffened. Of course, they  
had got dinner, a big group event before the loneliness that promised  
itself to nearly all still present at this time on Christmas Eve. She  
wiped her face and went to the door; she unlocked it. The soft  
lighting almost hid her tear marks and blotchy face. "CJ you've been  
crying?" he accused.  
"I have been doing no such thing Joshua." She retorted, pulling  
herself up straight, her face serious.  
"Yes you have CJ! Don't give me this you haven't crap, it's Christmas  
Eve, what could possibly"- she cut him off.  
"Josh, I'm heading off, the snow's gonna make getting home slow, and  
I really want to get in soon, so let Leo have my"- again he cut  
in: "CJ!"  
"Please, don't worry, there's nothing, it's okay. Really." she looked  
him in the eye, he knew she was far from it.  
"Okay." was all he said, turning slowly and walking away, he glanced  
back, they exchanged smiles and he carried on.

Danny sat back. He hit the steering wheel hard, the plastic threw his  
hand back at him and he felt the heat of a bruise forming on the soft  
heel. His sadness had turned briefly to anger, his frustration over  
falling for someone so far out of his reach. He'd never wanted to,  
but then he just suddenly found himself on the slippery slope and he  
couldn't climb back up without falling a long way down. He threw the  
door of his car open, cradling his injured hand, hopped out and began  
to assault the frozen snow that stood between him and getting home,  
clawing at it with both hands. The cold stung the bare skin, yet his  
right hand burned hot; the wind grated on his tear soaked face.

The icy wind hit her hard as she left the building, wishing the  
security staff a Merry Christmas as she went. She wore a mask of an  
air hostess' false smile; underneath she was still ugly and contorted  
in pain. The senior staff luckily had a covered section in the car  
lot and her car started fine; the engine roared to life and she sped  
out into the snow.

The figure was there again, fighting the snow from his jeep under one  
of the lot's lamps. Her heart leapt, she didn't intend on  
encountering Danny again that night. He didn't even notice the  
distinctive growl of her car's engine; he was too cold and upset.  
When she drew up in front of his car, he didn't look over. 'Typical'  
she thought, 'he's ignoring me now'.

Suddenly she was out of her car, being pushed around by the wind,  
walking over to him. Danny felt something stop his arm from moving  
the frozen snow, he stood, short of breath and looked at the source  
of the odd force. It was CJ. He was stunned, and stood there, with  
his mouth slightly ajar, not being able to say a word. He studied her  
face, she looked upset, tired. Her hands found their way to his  
freezing, injured paw, the cold of his hand brought tears to her eyes  
and the relative warmth of her soft hands touched him deep inside.  
She cupped his hand in hers, wanting to take the stinging cold from  
it; she pulled his hand towards her lightly; he grimaced in pain and  
squeezed his eyes shut as he pulled his hand away. Confused, she  
turned and started back to her car, Danny quickly locked his car with  
the zapper and attempted to run after her, he slipped on the icy snow  
and fell on his side, scraping the knuckles on his other hand.  
Turning and seeing him scramble back to his feet; CJ opened the  
passenger door and helped him into the seat. He couldn't look at her,  
he was cold, in pain and embarrassed.

CJ slowly took the car out; there was no doubt in her mind, she was  
driving straight home. Danny didn't question it, he just sat and let  
himself warm a little as the car pumped heat into the cabin.

They parked in the underground car park to CJ's block. The car doors  
slammed and the sound echoing loudly emphasised the silence between  
them. In the lift, neither of them dared look at one another, out of  
fear, trying desperately to work out what the other was thinking or  
even how they had got there. The key turning in the lock was the last  
sound they beheld in silence.

"You really don't have to do this CJ." Danny whispered. His voice was  
hoarse from the cold, his tone soft and defeated. CJ heard him, and  
keeping her back to him, opened the door and stepped into the place  
she called home. She left the door wide open and hung up her jacket,  
kicking off her shoes. He stood outside, watching,  
waiting. "Danny..." she started,  
"-I can get a cab," he offered. His words made her feel awful, her  
stomach twisted.  
"No, Danny, please..." She looked at him for the first time, his face  
was drawn, and his eyes were large saucers disbelieving what they  
were seeing. "Please, come in Danny."  
"Okay."

The truth was that he was terrified, he took a few steps in, and  
closed the door behind him, and he faced the closed door still, his  
raw hands resting on the wood, steadying himself. Softly, CJ's hands  
rested on his shoulders, working up to the collar: his coat was taken  
from him. He closed his eyes at her touch, not wanting to feel so  
weakness in his knees. When he opened his eyes he had to try hard to  
hold back the tears that inexplicably welled up in his eyes, blurring  
his vision. The soft hands returned to his shoulders, motioning him  
to turn to her.

"CJ I don't want you to feel you have to just because it's Chris…"  
his voice shook violently, but her sweet lips silenced his soft  
words. He held her gingerly, waiting for her to change her mind. CJ  
felt his hesitation and panicked; she stopped and stepped back from  
him. She couldn't look at his face; his eyes would be full of pity  
for her that she hadn't moved on, that she was lonely.

This wasn't real. Danny collapsed inside, staring at her as she  
looked to the floor.

CJ looked up and saw his face; it was so far from the pitiful look  
that she expected. He wore his broken heart in his expression. She  
managed to whisper his name before he cut her off: "CJ it was really  
kind of you to give me a ride back, but I should just get a cab  
home." His eyes softened to the point of melting, tears began to  
glaze over his eyes. She felt terrible; he must be thinking that she  
was taking advantage of his feelings because she was lonely, when  
really it was just because she couldn't stand holding back from him  
any more.

He turned to the door as one solitary tear fell. "Do you really want  
this Danny?" her voice was strained, there was a tone of desperation  
and frustration; she stood up straight and smiled as a tear escaped  
her left eye, she made no attempt at stopping it, she nervously moved  
her hair out of her face, and crossed her arms. Facing the away from  
her, he raised his voice at the door, "Do I want what, CJ?" He turned  
to her; his face was awash with tears, his pain manifested in redhead  
anger.  
"To go on like this?" She whispered, turning her eyes to the floor  
and half-heartedly gesturing to the space between them.  
"No I don't CJ, you know that! Damn it, just look at me," he motioned  
to the tears running freely down his face – "I don't want to leave  
now, but you can't just – I don't want to be – I won't be just put  
out with the trash in the morning because of damned politics!" His  
voice stung, she looked at his face wide-eyed and swallowed hard as  
tears steamed from her eyes. He dropped his arms to his sides,  
realising what he had just said. "I didn't mean to raise my voice at  
you CJ," he whispered. She just nodded dumbly.

His eyes were dry now, he looked long and hard at her then turned to  
leave. The instant he turned his back, she spun him to face her and  
took his face in her hands, pausing to pierce him with her eyes  
before pulling him to her lips. They lost themselves in a deep and  
longing kiss and when they stopped to breathe, they were lost for  
words. Her hands caressed his beard as they rested their foreheads  
together. He took her hands from him and held them between their  
bodies, "CJ, is this for real? If it's just a dream, I want you to  
tell me." She looked into his soul.  
"It is a dream; a good dream, a real dream." Her voice went from  
surety to a wavering whisper, "but God, Danny, I'm just scared of  
waking up alone."

She was making no promises, but there was no denying that they both  
needed this; that they both felt something that they couldn't fight  
any longer. Their desperation drove them quickly to her bedroom,  
passion leading the way, lust shedding their clothes; but when they  
made love, the tension dissolved away leaving their connection to be  
slow, delicate, sensual and full of raw emotion.

Danny woke first; it was 3am, the red alarm digits of the alarm clock  
lit his face. He turned his face, CJ's head was resting on the pillow  
just inches from his, and he could feel her breath on his shoulder.  
One of her soft hands lay on his chest, the other loosely entwined  
with his grazed one, and he could feel a long silky leg resting  
across his thighs. Their lovemaking had been bewildering; neither  
could have expressed themselves through words, though every touch  
seemed to say so much. Deep down, Danny thought he should leave, he  
knew that with the morning light, words would have to be spoken and  
he would probably be alone, again. Still, he felt stupidly happy -  
she was even more beautiful asleep there next to him, clinging to  
him; her face was so peaceful in a secure slumber. Those thoughts  
invaded his head again, why CJ had suddenly decided to let him in?  
Was he even in' at all? Rebuild the stone keep around your heart  
Danny, prepare to be pushed away.

6am arrived swiftly - CJ woke up. She was resting on something warm.  
He was still there in her bed holding her hand; he hadn't left. He  
looked so relaxed, his defences lowered - the red light of the clock  
casting warm shadows on his kind face, his auburn hair seeming softer  
splayed over the white pillow. For just a second that happy feeling  
went away, reality seemed to strike down her elation, she glanced at  
the empty condom packet on the bedside table and felt a sudden pang  
of fear and guilt, something uncertain; she felt awkward and naked.

She drew her hand out of his, and began to move away – softly, the  
warm hand on her leg pulled it back across his thighs. If he'd done  
any thinking at all, he'd have thought that he might be pushing his  
luck, but that morning he just kept his eyes closed and made some  
murmuring noises and gently, innocently, snuggled his face towards  
hers. Any feelings of fear left her, and she moved herself closer  
still to his warm body. He pulled her in, wrapping his arms around  
her smooth body, she rested her head on his chest; all of her felt  
good, pressed against him. A feeling of supreme contentment washed  
over her. CJ planted a gentle kiss on his bearded cheek, and  
whispered in his ear: "Happy Christmas Daniel." He couldn't help  
letting a smile break out over his face as he opened his eyes, they  
lay connected by a gaze that led to the most tender of kisses. That  
was all they needed, to feel that the night had not been some  
irreparable mistake.


End file.
